If I Were Not A Girl Guide

This is a very complicated song, but it's really realy funny to watch! The whole group (usually about 6-10 people) stand in a straight line, very prim and proper. In an opera-like voice, they sing the chorus. Then the first girl at the end of the line (the Archer, see below) steps in front of the line and says her lines. Follow the course of the song and you'll understand what's happening! The key is to make the verses as silly as possible, and the chorus as serious as possible... although this is very difficult after the third or fourth verse joins in!

Chorus:

Verses:

Archer:
An Archer I would be!
Shoot the bow, the mighty mighty bow I said,
Shoot, the bow, the mighty mighty bow!

(Everyone sings chorus again)

Birdwatcher:
A Birdwatcher I would be!
There's a lark and there's a lark and there's another lark (UGH!)
There's a lark and there's a lark and there's another lark (UGH!)
(or, alternatively,)
Hark! A lark! Flying through the park! (UGH!)
Hark! A lark! Flying through the park! (UGH!)

(Once the Birdwatcher has said her line twice, the Archer joins in. Therefore the Birdwatcher says her line four times, and the Archer says her line twice. Then everyone sings the chorus again)

Farmer:
A farmer I would be!
Sow the seed, and fertilize the weeds!
Sow the seed, and fertilize the weeds!

(Once the Farmer has said her line twice, the Birdwatcher joins in... after the Birdwatcher has said her line twice, the Archer joins in... get the picture? This continues with each verse until you have seven or eight people all saying/singing different things at the same time!)

(Everyone sings the chorus again)

Hippie:
A hippie I would be!
Hey man, cool man, far out, WOW!
Hey man, cool man, far out, WOW!

(Farmer joins in, then Birdwatcher, then Archer, then everyone sings the chorus)

Leader:
A Leader I would be!
Where's your socks and where's your shoes and don't forget your hat!
Where's your socks and where's your shoes and don't forget your hat!

(Hippie joins in, then Farmer, Birdwatcher and Archer, then everyone sings the chorus again)

Boy Scout:
A Boy Scout I would be!
EEW! A bug! Squish it in the rug!
EEW! A bug! Squish it in the rug!!

(Leader joins in, then Hippie, Farmer, Birdwatcher, Archer, then everyone sings the chorus one last time!!)

More verses!!

Thanks very much to Liz Watts, Neil and Lucia Savage, Sarah, and Kendra Kelly, all whom contributed verses for this song.

Plumber: A plumber I would be! Plunge it, flush it, look out below!
Carpenter: A carpenter I'd be! Two by four, nail it to the floor!
Cashier: A cashier I would be! Twenty nine, forty nine, here is your change, sir!
Superman: Superman I'd be! It's a bird, it's a plane, where is Lois Lane?
Washerwoman: Hanging all the washing out, Peg it on the line to dry.
Bus Conductor: Any more fares please! Any more fares please! Pass down the line. Ching. Ching.
Barrow boy: Ripe tomatoes, two bob a pound!
Vicar: Hands together, Hymn number 43.
Sergeant Major: Fall in. Fall in. Tallest on the right.
Secretary: Typing all the letters out, Sitting on the bosses knee.
Mermaid: Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop!
Secretary: z-z-z-z get the point, z-z-z-z get the point?
Teacher: Sit down, shut up, throw away your gum!
Airline attendant: Coffee, tea, or me, sir; here's your little bag, BLEH!
Typist: Ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ticka, ZING!
Laundry worker: Starchy here, starchy there, starchy in your underwear!
Gym teacher: We must, we must, improve the bust!
Medic: Turn around, drop your pants, jab, jab, jab!
Doctor: Take a pill; pay my bill! I'm going golfing!
Electrician: Positive, negative; turn on the juice-ZZZT!
Fireman: Jump lady! Jump lady! Whoo-ooah! GOTCHA!
Cook: Mix it, bake it; heartburn-BURP!
Ice cream maker: Tutti-frutti, tutti-fruitti, nice ice cream!
Politician: Raise the taxes, lower the pay, vote for me on election day!
Butcher: Chop it up, grind it up, make a little patty!
Garbage collector: Lift it, dump it, sort out the goodies!
Pizza maker: 30 minute, fast delivery!
Clam digger: Dig one here, dig one there-Oh my frozen derriere!
Superman: It's a bird, it's a plane, where is Lois Lane?
Lois Lane: Get away, get away, get away, Clark Kent!
Cyclist: peddle, peddle, peddle, peddle; ring, ring, ring!
House cleaner: Ooh, a bug; squish it in the rug!
Baby: Mama, Dada, I wuv you!
Preacher: Well, well, you never can tell; you might go to heaven, or you might go to hell!
Dolly: Mama, kiss me, take me home! (kissy sound)
Truck Driver: Oh dear, can't steer, put this stupid thing in gear! (drive an imaginary car)
Typist: Type, and type, until you get it right! (pretend to type)
Star: Dahling, dahling, let's do lunch! (wave hand)
Stewardess: Here's your coffee, here's your tea, here's your plastic bag, BLAH! (pretend to serve drinks, and then throw up)
Dishwasher: Scrub, and scrub, and get out all the grub! (scrub plates)
Raver: Its 3:00 a.m., let's groove, let's get this party movin'!