Boom Boom Ain't it Great to be Crazy
(source: "The World's Best Funny Songs", Esther J. Nelson, 1988; also in "The Worm Song and Other Tasty Tunes, Janet Wilson, 1993, and in "The Kids' Campfire Book", Jane Drake and Ann Love, Kids Can Press, 1996.)

Many thanks to Winifred McGee and Linda Buchanan, for posting this song to the Guide Mailing List!

Chorus:

Way down south where bananas grow
A flea stepped on a elephant's toe
The elephant cried with tears in his eyes
"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"

Way up north were there's ice and snow
There was a pengin and his name was Joe
He got tired of black and white
So he wore pink slacks to the dance last night!

A horse and a flea and three blind mice
Sat on the curbstone shooting dice
The horse, he slipped and fell on the flea
Woops! said the flea, there's a horse on me!

I bought a suit of combination underwear
Guaranteed not to rip or tear
I wore them six months and to my consternation
I couldn't get the darned thing off, I'd lost the combination!

I love myself. I think I'm grand.
When I go to movies, I hold my hand.
I put my arm around my waist,
And when I get fresh, I slap my face.

I call myself on the telephone
Just to hear my musical tone.
I ask myself for a heavy date,
And I pick myself up at half past eight.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear,
And Fuzzy Wuzzy cut his hair.
So, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy.
No, by Jove, he wasn't, was he?

I take a swim in my swimming pool.
I jump from the board 'cause that's the rule.
I hit my head on cement and mortar.
Forgot to look - there was no water.

That one-eared cat who used to sit
Watching Grandma rock and knit
Swallowed a ball of bright red yarn,
And out came kittens with red sweaters on.

Thanks very much to Renee Pearson, who emailed these extra verses to me.

I had a dog and he had fleas.
He had fleas all over his knees.
And every time his tail went flop,
The fleas on the bottom all jumped to the top!

Eli, Eli, he sells socks.
A dollar a pair and a nickel a box.
The longer you wear 'em, the stronger they get,
You put 'em in the water and they don't get wet!

Here's a second version of the song. Thanks very much to Sara Whitney and Micki Pagan for e-mailing me this song!

Chorus:

I'm going crazy
Don't you want to come along
I'm going crazy
Just singin' this song
Once I had a little cat
And all she ate was yarn
And when those kittens came
They came with sweaters on!

Once I had a little dog
And all she ate was cans
And when those puppies came
They came in Ford sedans!

When Mary had a little lamb
The doctor was surprised
When Old MacDonald had a farm
The doctor nearly died!