I Wish I Were A Little Bar of Soap
(source: "The World's Best Funny Songs", Esther J. Nelson, 1988.)
(to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It")
Thanks very much to Loren Hebden, "Zoey",
Liz, Neil and Lucia Savage, "^..^ Kathy*", Eileen, Lance Nathan and
Scott Ryan,
all whom contributed
verses for this song.
- Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap
- Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap
- Oh I'd slippy and I'd slidey over everybody's hidy
- Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap
Oh I wish I were a little mosquito - Oh I wish I were a little mosquito
- Oh I'd bitty and I'd bitey under everybody's nighty
- Oh I wish I were a little mosquito
Oh I wish I were a little English sparrow - Oh I wish I were a little English sparrow
- Oh I'd sitty on the steeple and I'd spitty on the people
- Oh I wish I were a little English sparrow
Oh I wish I were a little bitty orange - Oh I wish I were a little bitty orange
- Oh I'd go squirty squirty squirty over everybody's shirtey
- Oh I wish I were a little bitty orange
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop - Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop
- Oh I'd go down with a slurp and come up with a burp
- Oh I wish I were a little bottle of pop
Oh I wish I were a little hunk of mud - Oh I wish I were a little hunk of mud
- Oh I'd ooey and I'd gooey under everybody's shoey
- Oh I wish I were a little hunk of mud
Oh I wish I were a little striped skunk - Oh I wish I were a little striped skunk
- Oh I'd sit beneath the trees and perfume all the breeze
- Oh I wish I were a little striped skunk
Oh I wish I were fishy in the sea - Oh I wish I were fishy in the sea
- Oh I'd swim nudey nudey nudey without my bathing suity
- Oh I wish I were fishy in the sea
Oh I wish I were a little foreign car - Oh I wish I were a little foreign car
- Oh I'd go beepy beepy beepy down everybody's streety
- Oh I wish I were a little foreign car
Oh I wish I were little girly scout - Oh I wish I were little girly scout
- I'd go tramp tramp tramp through the boy scout camp
- Oh I wish I were little girly scout
Oh I wish I were a little radio - Oh I wish I were a little radio
- I'd go CLICK!
Oh I wish I were a little girly scout - Oh I wish I were a little girly scout
- I'd go tramp tramp tramp to the nearest Boy Scout
camp
- Oh I wish I were a little girly scout
Oh I wish I was a tin of baked beans, baked beans, - Oh I wish I was a tin of baked beans, baked beans,
- I'd go down as a clump, and come back as a lump,
- Oh I wish I was a tin of baked beans.
Oh I wish I was a little green latrine, green latrine, - Oh I wish I was a little green latrine, green latrine,
- I'd smell out all the camp, especially when I'm damp,
- Oh I wish I was a little green latrine.
Oh I wish I were a little candle flame,- Oh I wish I were a little candle flame,
- Oh I'd be so very bright, and I'd go out every night.
- Oh I wish I were a little candle flame.
Oh I wish I were a little safety pin,- Oh I wish I were a little safety pin,
- And everything that's busted, I would hold until I rusted,
- Oh I wish I were a little safety pin.
Oh I wish I were a little kangaroo,- Oh I wish I were a little kangaroo,
- Oh, I'd hippy and I'd hoppy inside my mommy's pockie,
- Oh I wish I were a little kangaroo.
Oh I wish I were a spoon of Castor Oil,- Oh I wish I were a spoon of Castor Oil,
- Oh, I'd lubricate the chassis of all the lads and lassies,
- Oh I wish I were a spoon of Castor Oil.
Oh I wish a were a little water bed,- Oh I wish a were a little water bed,
- Oh, I'd wobble and I'd wiggle and make the sleepers giggle,
- Oh I wish a were a little water bed.
Oh, I wish I were a little onion- Oh, I wish I were a little onion
- I'd yelly and I'd smelly inside everybody's belly
- Oh, I wish I were a little onion
Oh I wish I were a little bottle of Coke- Oh I wish I were a little bottle of Coke
- So I can fizzy and a fuzzy under everybody's nuzzy
- Oh I wish I was a little bottle of Coke
Oh I wish I were a little green pea,- Oh I wish I were a little green pea,
- I'd go skatey skatey skatey over everybody's
platey,
- Oh I wish I were a little green pea.
Oh, I wish I were a little red Corvette- Oh, I wish I were a little red Corvette
- For I'd stay out late at night, and a guy would hold me tight,
- Oh, I wish I were a little red Corvette.
Oh, I wish I were a little slippery root- Oh, I wish I were a little slippery root
- 'Cause I'd stick up in the trail, and I'd flop you on your tail,
- Oh, I wish I were a little slippery root.
Oh, I wish I were a monkey in the zoo- Oh, I wish I were a monkey in the zoo
- 'Cause I'd sit up on a shelf, and I'd scratch my little self,
- Oh, I wish I were a monkey in the zoo.
Oh, I wish I were a little beddy bug- Oh, I wish I were a little beddy bug
- I'd go bitey, bitey, bitey, under everybody's nightie
- Oh, I wish I were a little beddy bug.
Oh, I wish I were a little piece of glass- Oh, I wish I were a little piece of glass
- I'd go cutty, cutty, cutty and make
everybody bloody
- Oh, I wish I were a little piece of glass