Turkey in the Straw
(source: "The World's Best Funny Songs", Esther J. Nelson, 1988.)

Oh, as I was a goin' down the road,

With a tired team and a heavy load,

I cracked my whip and leader sprung,

I says good-day to the wagon tongue.

Chorus:

Turkey in the straw, turkey in the hay,

Turkey in the straw, turkey in the hay,

Roll 'em up and twist 'em up a high tuckahaw,

And play a little tune called 'Turkey in the Straw.'

Oh, I jumped in the seat, and I gave a little yell,

The horses ran away, broke the wagon all to hell,

Sugar in the gourd and honey in the horn,

I never been so happy since the day I was born.

Oh, I went out to milk, and I didn't know how,

I milked the goat instead of the cow.

A monkey sittin' on a pile of straw,

A-winkin' his eyes at his mother-in-law.

Well, I met Mr. Catfish comin' down stream,

Says Mr. Catfish, "What do you mean?"

I caught Mr. Catfish by the snout,

And I turned Mr. Catfish wrong side out.

Well, I came to a river and I couldn't get across,

So I paid five dollars for a blind old hoss;

He wouldn't go ahead, and he wouldn't stand still,

So we went up and down like an old saw mill.

As I came down the new cut road,

I met Mr. Bullfrog, I met Miss Toad,

And every time Miss Toad would sing,

Old Bullfrog cut a pigeon wing.

Oh, I had an old hen and she had a wooden leg,

She was the best darn hen that ever laid an egg;

She laid more eggs than any hen on the farm,

And a little competition didn't do her any harm.

Well, if frogs had wings and snakes had hair

And automobiles went flying through the air;

Well, if watermelons grew on a huckleberry vine,

We'd all have winter in the summertime.