Dear Old Daddy's Whiskers
(source: "The World's Best Funny Songs", Esther J. Nelson, 1988.)
- We have a dear old Daddy whose hair is silver grey.
- He has a set of whiskers - they're always in the way.
Chorus:
- Oh, they're always in the way, the cow eats them for
hay.
- Mother eats them in her sleep;
- She thinks she's eating shredded wheat.
- They're always in the way.
- We have a dear old Mummy. She likes his whiskers too.
- She uses them for cleaning and stirring up a stew.
We have a dear old brother who has a Ford machine.
- He uses Daddy's whiskers to strain the gasoline.
We have a dear old sister. It really is a laugh.
- She sprinkles Daddy's whiskers as bath salts in her bath.
We have another sister. Her name is Ida Mae.
- She climbs up Daddy's whiskers and braids them every
day
Around the supper table, we make a merry group
- Until dear Daddy's whiskers get tangled in the soup.
Daddy was in battle. He wasn't killed; you see,
- His whiskers looked like bushes and fooled the enemy.
When Daddy goes in swimming, no bathing suit for him.
- He ties his whiskers 'round his waist and happily jumps
in.
The hottest days of summer are getting pretty good
- 'Cause Daddy waves his whiskers and cools the neighbourhood.