Narrator: Once upon a time in the far west, there lived a BRUTAL MINER, who had a TIRED WIFE, a LAZY SON, a giggling YOUNG DAUGHTER, and a BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER. On the other side of the mountain lived HANDSOME HARRY. This young man drove his AUTOMOBILE over the mountains and carried mail to the BRUTAL MINER.
One day, the TIRED WIFE was cleaning the house. The BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER was helping her. The YOUNG DAUGHTER was playing with the CAT on the steps and the LAZY SON was sleeping. The BRUTAL MINER came out and kicked the CAT. The TIRED WIFE and the BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER rushed out with brooms and hit the BRUTAL MINER, but this did not bother him. He grabbed the TIRED WIFE by one arm and the BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER by the other and shoved them into the house. The YOUNG DAUGHTER ran away with the CAT.
Just then, HANDSOME HARRY drove up in his AUTOMOBILE and saw the BRUTAL MINER beating the TIRED WIFE and the BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER. HANDSOME HARRY rushed to the rescue and grabbed the BRUTAL MINER and threw him down the mine shaft. The BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER flew into the waiting arms of HANDSOME HARRY, while the TIRED WIFE and the YOUNG DAUGHTER watched with enthusiasm. The LAZY SON slept on.
HANDSOME HARRY took the BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER in his AUTOMOBILE to the little church in the wildwood and they lived happily every after.
Chief Woodpussy
(Each character in the skit has a distinctive sound to make when the Narrator says their name during the reading of the skit. The Narrator should pause, after reading the name of each character so they can make their sound, and for audience reaction.)
Narrator: Once upon a time there was a COWBOY who went out into the desert, riding his horse, OLD PAINTBRUSH. Far off in the distance, he could hear the TIMBER WOLF. The COWBOY made camp and went fast asleep, first making sure OLD PAINTBRUSH was secure.
Now, creeping through the desert was CHIEF WOODPUSSY riding his mule SITTING BULL. He was pursued by the SHERIFF and his DEPUTY. In his pocket, CHIEF WOODPUSSY had his trained rattlesnake, EMMA, who was trained to creep up and bite the COWBOY and his horse. While CHIEF WOODPUSSY crept up, OLD PAINTBRUSH watched the camp, the TIMBER WOLF howled, the COWBOY snored, and SITTING BULL ate cactus.
In the meantime, the SHERIFF and his DEPUTY sprang their trap. "Halt, you are my prisoner !" shouted the SHERIFF. The COWBOY woke up and mounted his horse, OLD PAINTBRUSH, which frightened the TIMBER WOLF and EMMA.
Away went old CHIEF WOODPUSSY on his faithful mule, SITTING BULL, and after them went the SHERIFF, his DEPUTY, the COWBOY and OLD PAINTBRUSH. But old CHIEF WOODPUSSY led them into a blind canyon, so that was the last anybody ever saw of the COWBOY, OLD PAINTBRUSH, EMMA, the rattlesnake, the TIMBER WOLF, the mule, SITTING BULL, the SHERIFF, or his DEPUTY.
The Compass
Props: A good compass and a map
Announcer: In this scene, we see a Scoutmaster teaching a Patrol about maps and compass.
Scoutmaster: Now fellows, if you take a bearing from the map this way you can now stand up and, keeping the compass away from your belt buckle, walk along the bearing until you reach your destination. John, you try that.
John : (Does as instructed, exits, re-enters)
Scoutmaster: (Standing) In the same way you can take a bearing on a distant object, and use that to find where you are on the map. Now, each of you take a bearing on that big tree on the hill top.
Other boys : (Do as instructed, passing compass around, making suitable comments.)
Scoutmaster: (After a few moments) All right, let's all gather around. That wraps up tonight's compass lesson. There is just one more important point! Never, never buy a TATES compass.
Tom : Scouter, why should we never buy a TATES compass?
Scoutmaster: You know the old saying: "He who has a TATES is lost!"
Fishing
(The scene opens with the two players rowing an imaginary boat.)
Andrew: Whew! It sure is a long way out here.
Robert: Yep. (puts hand to eyes) I can't see the shore anymore. Ready to start fishing?
Andrew: I think so. Looks like a good spot to me. (Both ready imaginary rods, reels, hooks, worms, etc., and start fishing. Immediately they both start to catch fish, recast and catch more. Continue for several casts.)
Andrew: I told you this would be a good spot.
Robert: Sure is, the boat's full. Guess we have our limit.. better get back.
Andrew: O.K. (gets oars ready)
Robert: Did you use a map to get here?
Andrew: Nope.
Robert: How are we ever gonna find our way back tomorrow?
Andrew: Oh, that's easy. I'll just mark the spot with a big X right here on the side of the boat! (makes mark - both row away quickly)
Gathering of Nuts
Vincent: I am the famous artist, Vincent Van Go Go. I have come here this evening at great expense to create one of my living nature paintings which will express the atmosphere of this camp ! First I am going to need some trees. (Two trees are selected from the participants in the audience, and are directed where to stand. They wave their arms gently.)
Vincent: Now I will need some birds to twitter among the trees. (Three birds are selected and they move around the trees making twittering sounds.)
Vincent: (Stands back to view scene) Perhaps a sun to shine on everything. (A tall participant stands on a bench and smiles brightly.)
Vincent: (Again viewing) It's not right yet. I know, some rabbits hopping around. (Assistant Leaders are chosen for rabbits)
Vincent: One last touch. A babbling brook. Scouter, will you be the brook, you're always babbling ? (The brook takes his place.)
Vincent: (Turns to audience) There it is, another Vincent Van Go Go original nature scene. I call it "The Gathering of the Nuts."
Go Cart
(One participant is on hands and knees as the 'Go Cart')
Driver : Oh, this fool Go Cart is always giving me trouble ! Now the front wheel has come off. (Selects member of audience) Would you come over and give me a hand. Thanks. (Selected person may have some comments to respond to - then they are led to the cart.)
Driver : Here, if you would just be the wheel I need. That's right, get down on your hands and knees up there and be the front wheel. Now let me try it again. (Driver gets on car, tries to start it up.)
Go Cart: (Makes sputtering noises, starts, moves forward, then sags and sputters out.)
Driver : Now what is it ? (Driver moves to rear, lifts cart, lets go and cart sags again.) Now that old suspension has gone, I need more help. (Selects someone else) Please come over here and be the suspension. That's right, just hold the back end up there. Now I'll try it again. (Gets on car, starts engine.)
Go Cart: (Sputters to life, moves forward, wobbles, and stops)
Driver : (Getting off) Oh, no. Now the rear wheel is loose. I'll go and get more help. (Selects more help) (New help is positioned at rear wheel.) This wheel is loose. If you will just hold the wheel (indicates leg) tightly so it doesn't fall off, you'll be a big help. Thanks. (Driver gets on cart, starts engine)
Go Cart: (Starts up, runs fine, moves forward)
Driver : (Braking to halt) Oh, that's perfect now ! All I needed was a few NUTS to get it going!
Good Soup
Props: a large pot, several spoons, and a floor mop. A chef's hat would also be useful.
Announcer: This scene takes place in the camp Dining Hall.
(Several boys are seated around a large pot, sampling the imaginary contents with the spoons.)
Scott : Boy, this is sure good soup.
Brad : Yep, it's got REAL flavour.
David : Sure is, why it's even better than my Mom makes.
Mathew: Oh yeah. It's the best food I've eaten at camp all week.
Cook : (Enters waving floor mop and shouting) Hey you guys ! Get out of my mop water !!!
Letters from Home
Props: Two sheets of paper.
Scott: (Enters) Gee, it's always nice to get a letter from home when you're at camp.
Robin: (Enters) Hey, look, I got a letter from my Mom.
Scott: Me too. Listen, my Mom says she's writing this letter slowly, because she knows I can't read fast.
Robin: Mine says I won't know the house when I come home.. They've moved !
Scott: Oh, my Dad has a new job with 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.
Robin: Our neighbours started keeping pigs. Mom got wind of it this morning.
Scott: Oh, my goodness. My little brother came home from school crying because all the other boys had new clothes and we can't afford any for him. Mom says she got him a new hat and lets him stand in the window.
Robin: There was a washing machine in the new house. But my Mom put four shirts in it, pulled the handle and they disappeared. Guess it doesn't work right.
Scott: My Mom had her appendix out and a dishwasher put in. And, oh, my sister had a baby this morning. Mom doesn't know if I'm an Aunt or and Uncle, because she doesn't know yet if it's a boy or a girl.
Robin: Oh, dear, there's a P.S. It says, I was going to send you $ 10.00, but I had already sealed the envelope.
Scott: Well, it's nice to know things are normal at home.
Robin: Yep. (Both exit)
(With this skit it is possible to put each boy's script on a sheet of paper, and they can read it out, as though they were reading the letter. They should rehearse, of course, to make it sound natural.)
Lunch Break
Props: Lunch bags or pails.
Announcer: We see here a construction site. It is now lunch time, and two friends are about to eat.
Worker 1: (Opens lunch bag and looks very disgusted) Yechhhh!! Egg salad sandwiches again!
Worker 2: Look, if you hate them that bad, I'll swap with you. (Both pretend to eat, then exit.)
Announcer: The next day.
Worker 1: (Enters with Worker 2, opens lunch bag and looks very disgusted) Yechhhh!!! Egg salad sandwiches again!
Worker 2: O.K..... I'll trade with you again. (Both pretend to eat, then exit.)
Announcer: The next day.
Worker 1: (Enters with Worker 2, opens lunch bag and looks very disgusted) Yechhh!! Egg salad sandwiches again!
Worker 2: (Angrily) Look, if you don't like egg salad sandwiches, why don't you ask your (wife/mom/significant other) to make something else?
Worker 1: My (wife/mom/significant other)?? She's got nothing to do with it. I make my own sandwiches!
New Saw
Announcer: This scene takes place in a hardware store in a small north woods lumber town.
Lumberjack: (Enters) My old crosscut saw is worn out, and I need something that will let me cut more wood, or I'm going to go broke!
Owner : Yes, sir! For only one hundred bucks you can be the proud owner of this chain saw. I guarantee that it will cut twice as much wood in a day as your own crosscut.
Lumberjack: (Handing over money) O.K. great! (Exits)
Announcer: The next day.
Lumberjack: (Enters tiredly) There's something wrong with this saw. I worked very hard yesterday, and only cut half as much wood.
Owner : Well, sir, I have a lot of faith in this product. Here, I'll put a new chain on it and you give it another try.
Lumberjack: O.K., but if it doesn't do any better, I'll be back! (Exits)
Announcer: The next day.
Lumberjack: (Enters exhausted) This darned saw is no good. I worked even harder, and still it won't cut half the wood of my old saw! I want my money back!
Owner : Yes, sir! Just let me check it out here. (Pulls starter rope Announcer: (Makes sound effects of saw running.)
Lumberjack: Oh, my gosh! What on earth is all that noise?
Puppy in the Box
Props: A cardboard box, and a stuffed dog (or rabbit, etc.)
Announcer: This scene takes place on the street outside a grocery store.
(Several participants are gathered around outside the store, chatting.)
Roger : (Enters holding the box) Hi guys, would you please hold this box for me while I go into the store? (Exits)
Martin: I wonder what's in the box?
Gerry : I don't know, but something is leaking out!
Bob : (Rubs finger against the bottom of box, then licks finger) Hmmm, it tastes like lemon soda.
Martin: (Also rubs box and tastes finger) No. I think it's more like chicken soup.
Roger : (Returns, looks in box) Oh, you naughty puppy!
Fly in the Soup
Customer: Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Waiter : (Enters, very snooty, peering into the soup) Oh, yes, you are right sir. That will be an extra 25 cents for the meat.
Customer: But waiter, he's swimming all over the top!
Waiter : (Still snooty) You are right, sir. It doesn't know it's a fly, sir. It's doing the Butterfly stroke.
Customer: Well, I think it must be an Australian! Waiter : Why do you say that sir?
Customer: BECAUSE IT'S DOWN UNDER NOW!
Someone Chanted Evening
Props: Blankets and rope to make Monk's Cassock.
Friar: Good morning, everyone.
Monks: Good morning.
Friar: For our Matins, we are going to practice chanting. All together now, repeat after me: (Chanting) Morning, morning, mor-or-ning.
Monks: (Rather raggedly) Morning, morning, mor-or-ning.
Friar: Not bad, but we need to get more feeling and rhythm into it. Let's try again. (A couple more attempts are made, each one better, then on the third try it sounds excellent, but one Monk chants loud and clear, "Ev-en- ning".) Friar: Cut, Cut! What was that?
Brother Daniel: What's wrong, Friar? I thought it sounded good.
Friar: (Breaking into song) Someone Chanted Evening!
St. Peter
Announcer: Here we see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
Ian : (Walks up to St. Peter) Hello, St. Peter. I see I've come to Heaven.
St. Peter: Well, you're not in yet! First you've got to tell me how you suffered on Earth.
Ian : Well, I spent a week eating camp food.
St. Peter: I'm sorry, you haven't suffered enough. (Ian exits dejectedly.)
Doug : (Enters) Hi, I'm here to get into Heaven.
St. Peter: Fine, fine. And how have you suffered?
Doug : I went on a long hike and got blisters all over my feet.
St. Peter: Sorry. That's not enough suffering to get into Heaven. (Doug exits)
Brad : (Enters) Can I get into Heaven?
St. Peter: How did you suffer?
Brad : I'm in (Pick someone's name who can take a joke) (troop/pack/six/class, etc.)
St. Peter: Well, come on in!!
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