Miss Suzy Had A Steamboat
(source: there is an almost identical song called "Miss Lucy" in "The World's Best Funny Songs", Esther J. Nelson, 1988; another similar song called "Miss Helen Had A Steamboat" can be found in "The Worm Song and Other Tasty Tunes, Janet Wilson, 1993.)
(a schoolyard clapping game... I can't even begin to describe the actions involved!)

Version One:

Miss Suzy had a steamboat

The steamboat had a bell (ding, ding)

Miss Suzy went to heaven

And the steamboat went to...

Hello, operator,

Please give me number 9

And if you disconnect me

I will chop off your...

Behind the 'frigerator (or yellow curtain)

There was a piece of glass

Miss Suzy sat upon it

And cut her little...

Ask me no more questions

Tell me no more lies

The boys are in the bathroom

Zipping down their...

Flies are in the meadow

And bees are in the park

All the little boys and girls

Are kissing in the dark, dark, dark!

The dark is like the movies

The movie's like a show

The show is like the TV.,

And that is all I know

I know, I know my mother

I know, I know my pa

I know, I know my sister

With the forty acre bra

Version Two:

Miss Suzy had a baby

She named him Tiny Tim

She put him in the bathtub

To see if he could swim

He drank up all the water

He ate up all the soap

He tried to eat the bathtub

But it wouldn't go down his throat

He floated up the river

He floated down the lake

And now Miss Suzy's baby

Has got a bellyache

Miss Suzy called the doctor

The doctor called the nurse

The nurse called the lady

With the alligator purse

"Measles," said the doctor

"Mumps," said the nurse

"A virus," said the lady

With the alligator purse

"Penicillin," said the doctor

"Bed rest," said the nurse

"Pizza," said the lady

With the alligator purse

"He'll live," said the doctor

"He's all right," said the nurse

"I'm leaving," said the lady

With the alligator purse

"I don't want the doctor,

I don't want the nurse,

I want the lady

With the alligator purse"

Miss Suzy gave me peaches,

And then she gave me pears,

And then she gave me fifty cents

And kicked me up the stairs

My mother was born in England,

My father was born in France,

And I was born in diapers

Because I didn't have any pants!