They Say That In The Army

They Say That In The Army
(source: "The Worm Song and Other Tasty Tunes, Janet Wilson, 1993.)

Phew! Thanks very much to Sandra Annison, Courtney Cutts, Kathy Breadner, Terry Rowsell, Marianne "Sunshine" Mitchell, Kathy P., Sue Hutchinson, Claudia Lister, Mary Ann McKenney, Sue, Linda Holwell Tibbo, Shannon, and Leander Darwin, who all contributed verses to this song.

The original song was sung by (Canadian?) soldiers during WWII:

They told me in the Army, the girls are mighty fine
You ask for Betty Grable, they give you Frankenstein
Oh, I don't want no more of army life
Gee, ma, I want to go
Back to Ontario
Gee, ma, I want to go home!
They told me in the Army, the food is mighty fine
A pea rolled off the table and killed a friend of mine.
They told me in the Army, the drink is mighty fine
You order up a whisky, they serve ya turpentine!
They told me in the Army, they love ta sing and dance
But no one said those Nazis would shoot me in the pants!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the leaders say they're mighty fine
But when they wake up in the morning they look like Frankenstein
Oh, I don't want no more of Girl Guide camp
Gee Mom I want to go
But they won't let me go
Gee Mom I want to go home
Oh, I don't want no more of camping life
Gee Mom, I wanna go
Back where the toilets flow
Gee Mom, I wanna go home
Oh I don't want to go to Girl Guide Camp
Gee Mom I wanna go
Back to my stereo,
Gee Mom I wanna go home
They say that at the Guide Camp, the bugs have gone away
But every time you inhale there's something in your way!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the toast is mighty fine
A piece fell off the table and killed a pal of mine!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the beds are mighty fine
You wake up in the morning with wrinkles down your spine!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the eggs are mighty fine
One rolled off the table and started keeping time!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the cocoa's mighty fine
It's swell for cuts and bruises, and tastes like iodine!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the swimming's mighty fine
You step into the water, it freezes up your spine!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the porridge is mighty fine
You save a little extra and give your shoes a shine!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the music's mighty fine
You ask for Frank Sinatra, they give you Frankenstein!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the tents are mighty fine
They're made to sleep five in them, we usually squeeze in nine!
The tents that they give you, you think they're mighty fine,
But when we put the pegs in, they all fell down in time!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the leaders are might fine
They wake you up at seven and then sleep in 'till nine!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the drinks are mighty fine
You ask for Coca Cola, they give you turpentine!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the boys are mighty fine
You ask for Elvis Presley, they give you Frankenstein!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the toilets are so fine
You flush it down at seven, it comes back up at nine!
The toilets they give you, you think they're mighty fine
But when you sit upon them, they suck up your behind!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the tents are waterproof
You wake up in the morning, you're floating on the roof!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the boats are mighty fine
You sail a hundred miles and swim back ninety nine!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the beds are mighty fine
The leader who said that has never slept in mine!
They say that at the Guide Camp, the shoes are mighty fine
You ask for size 11, they give you 99!
The nurse that they have here, they say she's mighty fine
But when I broke my finger, she broke the other nine!
The tents they have at Guide Camp, they say they're mighty neat
But when you go inside them, they smell like stinky feet!
The leaders that they have here, they say they're mighty fine
But when they take their makeup off, they look like Frankenstein!
The donuts that they have here, don't call me a liar
If you get a flat you can use them as a tire!
The latrines they have at Guide Camp, they say they're mighty fine,
When you sit upon them, they suck in your behind!
The showers that they have here, they say they're mighty fine
When you turn them on, they squirt out yellow slime!
The chicken that they give, they say is mighty fine
But one jumped off the table, and started marching time!
The Kool-aid that they give you, they say is mighty fine
It's good for cuts and bruises, taste like iodine.
The spaghetti that they give you, they say is mighty fine
They wash it in the toilet and hang in on the line.
The clothes that they give you, they say are mighty fine
Me and my buddy can both fit into mine.
The kids that they give you, they say are mighty fine
But no matter what you're doing, all they do is whine.
They say at the Guide camp, the cookies are mighty fine,
But one rolled off the table and squashed a friend of mine.
The outhouse here at camp they say is mighty fine,
But if you ever walked in one you'd say they lost their mind.
The insects here at camp they say are mighty fine,
But one flew in my tent last night and now I'm sore behind.
The hiking here at camp they say is mighty fine,
But all those walks wore out my shoes and now I'm in a bind.
The fires here at camp they say are mighty fine,
But wouldn't you know my supper burnt, I guess I'll have to whine.
The leaders here at camp they say are mighty fine,
But one peeked in my tent last night and looked like Frankenstein.
They say at Guide Camp the milk is mighty fine,
It's great for cuts on bruises and tastes like iodine.
They say at Guide camp the boys are mighty fine,
They're either under seven or over ninety nine!
They say at Guide Camp the bugs are mighty fine
One flew into the tent last night a squashed a friend of mine.
And now I've been to Guide Camp I think it's mighty fine
I'm going back there next year to have another good time!